How to Control Anger In a Relationship? 8 Effective Ways

Like every other emotion, anger is also a natural human emotion which is felt in every relationship. Two people may love each other deeply, yet they might feel angry and annoyed with each other at certain times in life. One must learn how to control their anger as frequent anger issues can lead to serious issues in a relationship.

Is anger normal in a relationship?

Humans have some natural emotions like fear, sadness, happiness etc. Anger is one of the many natural human emotions which is very normal to occur in any relationship whether it be friendship, marriage, siblings or parents. However, anger can become a serious problem if the intensity of anger becomes uncontrollable and you become hurtful to your partner.

is anger normal in a relationship

Why do I feel so much anger in my relationship?


The frequent anger outburst may have you wondering why you are so angry in your relationship. The answer to this question may vary from person to person and situation to situation. It may be because of some past situations that you haven’t settled with your partner, or you and your partner both may have dominant personalities. It could also be because you are frustrated about something else happening in your life. 

why do I feel so much anger in my relationship

Common causes of anger in a relationship

Anger in all forms is not bad. Sometimes your anger can be a justified and appropriate response. However, in other cases, it can be totally opposite. Anger in a relationship in most cases is a result of something that you have been disappointed about over a period of time.

There are many causes of anger in relationships. Some of them are:

  • Unsettled Situations in the Past.

One of the most common causes of anger in a relationship is because of the issues that might have occurred in the past but were not resolved completely. 

For example, if you and your partner might have fought in the past over a serious issue like infidelity or cheating, but did not speak enough to get everything resolved, it might be the reason for your anger.

It is very common that when some resentment is left after a fight, it accumulates with time and when your partner does anything small which irritates you, you take out the hurt or resentment in the form of anger.

  • Both of You have a Dominant Character.

Another common reason for relationship anger is that both the partners have strong personalities. If this is the case then there is always a power struggle between both the partners. The tension between the partners grows with time and there is a clash. Each partner thinks that they are right and the other one is wrong.

  • Your Partner is not how you wanted them to be.

In many cases, a reason for feeling anger in a relationship is because of frustration and disappointment which is caused by the fact that your partner is how you idealized them to be. Often when we fall in love we fall for a certain projection of your partner. You start having false expectations from them. 

Once you start living with them or spending more time with them you realize that things are quite different in reality. This disappointment and frustration create feelings of anger that you take out on your partner.

  • You have other problems and you take it out on your partner.

Sometimes anger in a relationship has nothing to do with the other partner. Instead, it is because of the other problems in your life which you are not feeling good about such as work and financial stresses. You are more likely to take out the frustration on your partner rather than other people around you.

  • Your Partner is not financially stable.

Financial stability is a common factor that affects most relationships. If your partner is not financially stable, then it can become a cause for your frustration and you may feel angry at them.

  • Your Partner puts other things before you.

Apart from the above five causes for anger in a relationship, a common reason for most partners to feel angry and frustrated is because of their partner’s priorities. Some people tend to put other things first like work, social life etc. This leads to their spouse feeling lonely and angry at them.

8 Effective ways to control anger in a relationship

If you have anger issues it is very important that you start to manage your anger in a relationship. Here are 8 effective ways to effectively control your anger:

  • Always thinking before your speak anything

When we are angry, we say very harsh and terrible things which lead to fights. If you take a moment or two to think before you speak anything you will realize that things can get better. What you can do is take deep breaths for a minute or two when you are feeling angry and then speak. If this doesn’t work you can count till 10 before you speak.

  • Keep calm and communicate to share your feelings

Communication is very important in any relationship. Once you take a moment to think and calm down, you must initiate to communicate your feelings to your partner calmly. You must express to them why you are so upset. While you are doing so, avoid confronting them. Instead, just tell them calmly which of their actions made you so upset.

  • Let go things

A very important thing not only for your relationship but also for other things in life is to let go of things. You must learn to let go of little things and not prolong small petty fights. Your relationship is worth letting go of small things. Your partner may have a lot of flaws but you should try to remember the good things about them when you feel angry with them.

  • Opt for anger management classes

If your anger issues have gone too far in your relationship then you must opt for anger management classes. In most cases, anger issues in a relationship go beyond a certain limit and lead to violence. In this case, a person has to take court ordered anger management classes.

effective ways to control anger in a relationship

The feeling of anger can make anyone do terrible things which is why if a person becomes violent in their professional life or in their relationship then they are ordered by the court to take court approved anger management classes which help them to control their anger.

  • Add humor to your discussion

Humor can be a great help to overcome a serious situation in your relationship. If you are feeling angry at your partner then take a moment or two to think of something funny which could make things better and change the mood of yourself and your partner. However, humor does not suit every situation so be mindful of saying something funny.

  • Do physical exercises 

Anger is manifested by stress and stress can be relieved by physical exercise. Develop a habit of regular exercise and you will notice a difference in your anger issues. You can start by just jogging for 30 minutes each day and slowly increase the duration. You will surely notice a huge difference in your overall personality.

  • Speak to a therapist

If nothing works out, try reaching out to a therapist. Sometimes you are able to talk to professional help more easily about your resentments and issues rather than directly to your spouse. You can also seek help from a couple therapists. In most cases, couples are able to resolve their conflicts effectively through couple therapy.

  • Meditate regularly

Last but not the least, anger issues in a relationship can be sorted out if you start meditating. Meditation helps you relax and calm down. It involves a lot of deep breathing exercises and visualization which is very helpful in calming you down especially if you are feeling angry all the time. Once you start meditating, you will notice a great difference in your mood.


Feeling angry in your relationship is normal as it is one of the many human emotions. But feeling angry all the time and losing control over your anger is not good for you, your partner and your relationship. You must learn how to control anger in a relationship or you will be ordered by the court to take anger management classes. If not ordered by the court, an angry person is not liked by people, and you may end up alone. So learn to manage your anger before it’s too late.

Once you learn how to control and manage your anger, you will realize that your relationship is also improving and your partner is happier with you. A relationship works with love, affection and comprises both ends. When your partner will notice a positive change in your behavior they will also work on their flaws.